I Don't Want To!

Let us search out and examine our ways, and turn back to the Lord.

Lamentations 3:40

Back in August, one of my friends was trying to explain to some of my other friends why I am quiet sometimes, and he described me in a way I hadn't thought of, and seemed out of place. He said I was “independent”. Well, I’m afraid to inform you, but the first thought that came to mind after hearing that was, I am not!

His comment bothered me for a while after that. I wrote in my journal the next week after thinking more about it, “I hope that the independence that I have is the freedom in Christ type. Where I am only following what God says, therefore I’m viewed as independent because I’m not following the crowd. Something to think about....”

Unfortunately, after thinking more about it (9 months is quite a while), I am afraid I have come to the conclusion that that is not the main type of independence I have. I do have freedom in Christ, and I have been raised to not fear saying the truth, but I am also independent in the more widely used definition of the word, which isn’t good.

“Independence” means free from the influence, guidance, or control of another or others; self-reliant. It’s synonyms are: uncontrolled, absolute, individualistic, sovereign, strong-minded, self-sufficient, and many others.

Oddly enough, aren’t those the exact words the world encourages us to be like?

As I’ve watched myself  over the last several months, I’ve noticed that I’m very independent. I have no problem voicing my disagreement about things, though the biggest problem being, I don’t take instruction well. If someone tells me what to do, and I don’t feel like it or I think it could be done better a different way, my initial reaction is defiance and I challenge them.

I only want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it.

And you know what the root of that is? Pride. That horrible thing that seems to be at the root of most problems.

“I know exactly what I’m talking about/doing, how dare they try to correct me?!”

We view ourselves and our knowledge as being so much higher than those around us who try to correct us. And I found I had a very inordinate view of myself and I did not like to be told otherwise.

But you know what the Bible says? Proverbs 19:20 says,

Listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter days.

Instruction has two definitions, one means to “furnish with knowledge; teach; educate.” The other means “to give order to; direct”. So, instruction is anytime someone is correcting, teaching, or showing you something or how to do something better.

And oddly enough, it doesn’t say to “...listen to instruction when your parents are speaking to you or some other adult...” It simply says to “listen to instruction”, regardless of where it is coming from. You know what else that means? It means even when it’s your sibling telling you to do something.

Ouch. That one really struck a chord with me when God showed me that. “But they’re not in authority over me... they’re just my brothers!”

Which was true, they did not have the authority to tell me when when I could or could not get on the computer, or what social event I could attend, but they were part of my life to tell me when I am using my time unwisely and to push me closer to God. And part of that included instructing me.

Though, more often than not, I don’t like their input. They’re after all, the ones I’ve grown up with, and I’ve seen them in every situation imaginable - the good, the bad, and the ugly.


There are times when I really did not want to be outside helping my brother build something when I have a list of things I want/need to do that is as long as my arm. Frankly, I don’t have time to help him hold a piece of wood up so he can screw it in!

But you know what? I am called to humility. I am called to put others higher than myself and listen to what they have to say.  I am called to be submissive and “take instruction”. I am not to have a haughty “I know everything” attitude, but instead accept the fact that in my short 18 years, I have not seen or learned everything imaginable, even in the subjects where I am fairly knowledgeable.  

This was not a subject I wanted to learn. Putting others higher than myself and dying to my selfish wants was, frankly, not fun.

But, I had to learn to die to myself and put my brothers need ahead of my own. God had to show me that, 1) - My relationship with my brother was/is far more important than any list of mine, and 2) - My lack of being willing to help was actually a form of independence. It has been amazing how these seemingly very different attitudes/characteristics go together!

What about you? I lived in denial for many years, persuading myself that I didn’t have a problem with authority, which manifested itself through my independence. Do you take instruction well? Or were you like me, where your parents would confront you with your lack of submission to authority, but you’d shrug it off instead? Convinced that they were imagining things?

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.

Phillippians 2:3

Not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, with goodwill doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men, knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free.

Ephesians 6:6-8

And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

Colossians 3:17