The Heart of Modesty

In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.

1 Timothy 2:9-10

These verses and I have gone back and forth a lot.

Most of the time, I read a verse and it quite simply states what to do, so I do it. This one was a little harder...

For one, people have different ideas about what “modest” is. Some say you have to wear skirts all the time, others say loose-fitting jeans are okay. Some only wear loose blouses, while others wear more form fitting. And back and forth it goes.

I was getting quite exasperated as I tried to figure out “modesty”; and that is just the first part of the verse! There is a lot more to it....

“…with propriety and moderation...”

Our ‘76 American Heritage Dictionary lists “propriety” as “the quality of being proper; appropriateness. Conformity to prevailing customs and usages.” Moderate means: “Within reasonable limits.”

Hmm, okay, I can do that....

“…not with braided hair or gold or pearls, or costly clothings....”

This is where it gets a little tricky.

It seems like this verse is dealing more with the heart attitude than (necessarily) the outward appearance. Now, before you stone me, let me explain.

All of those things (braided hair, gold, pearls, etc) can be used to draw attention to the wearer when used incorrectly, but are not of themselves “bad”.

Let me list the definition of modesty, “Having or showing a moderate estimation of one’s own talent, abilities, and value,” If we really knew and grasped how much God loves us and delights over us, we would never dress for man’s attention. Instead of trying to “look nice” for others, we would only want to bring glory to God by the way we dress, which means not dressing in a way that would stumble our brothers (i.e. our clothes would be “modest”). Our outward appearance would reflect the inward attitude.

Which comes to the next definition of modesty that I finally came to the conclusion of what modesty really is as I was thinking about all of this. “Quiet and humble in appearance; unpretentious.”

Are you quiet, humble, unpretentious? Am I? If we’re trying to be modest, isn’t that how we should act?

I’ve found that most of the things the Bible addresses are heart-attitudes. Most often we try to fix what we look like on the outside (only wearing such-and-such, acting perfectly, etc.), when really, that is not the problem (it is a problem, but not the main one).

Show me someone that is quiet, humble, and unpretentious, and I can be fairly certain that they will be dressed modestly. On the other hand, I have seen girls dressed “modestly”, but their heart behind why/how they were dressing was flamboyant, sensual, flirtatious, and independent. They fixed their outward attire (they checked their list of what they could and could not wear), but their spirit behind why they were dressing that way was wholly neglected.

When you and I get dressed and go out and about in the world, God is sending us out as His ambassadors; lights to shine in the darkness, radiating His characteristics and personality. Will people notice what we’re wearing? Most likely, but more than that they will notice our personality and character. We will not draw people to Christ simply by what we’re wearing, no matter how “modest” it is (if simply dressing modestly would draw people to Christ, then I’m sure we’d all be dressed like the Amish). The only thing that will draw people will be our Christ-like characteristics (love, joy, patience, etc.), because that is what the world is lacking.

Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves.

1 Peter 3:3-5