So.... Is Marriage or Singleness Better?

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

1 Corinthians 7:32-35

Generally speaking, being single can be viewed as being better suited for ministry. But is it?

As the Bride of Christ, we are serving him and awaiting for His return. We don’t view it as being worse than when we were “single” (separated from Him), but we sometimes view marriage as less than being single in ministry because you have more time as a single person to “do stuff dedicated to the Lord". (Though it’s almost opposite to that in more day to day living as singles are often viewed as second class citizens - but that is a discussion for another time.)

As I’ve been asking God about my singleness, how to use it for Him, etc., I’ve noticed there has almost been a sadness that arises when I think of being married (not that I don’t want to be married - I’ve wanted to be married for as long as I can remember), but a a sadness of losing my freedom to do ministry whenever and wherever I want to, perceived freedoms, etc. I feel like I’m just getting good at being a content single! Instead I would be a wife responsible to my husband, cooking and cleaning, doing ministry with him and taking care of our children. And then I added coals to my head by remembering what Paul said, “The single woman cares about the things of the Lord…..”

“God, if singleness is better, then why is marriage such a key theme throughout scripture? Why do you always reference your church as your bride and Israel as your betrothed?”

There’s a different way to look at it. Singleness teaches you certain things about Me - how I can fulfill and sustain you when you’re alone, how to serve wholeheartedly, spontaneous ministry... Marriage teaches you another side - it is the parallel of the Bride of Christ. The joining to serve your spouse the way that the church (bride) serves Jesus (groom). Marriage is not a bad thing. It is not a lack of identity or purpose. It is another aspect of your relationship with Me. Serving your husband in the home is not less important than ministering outside the home. I view ministry different than you; I look at your heart. I don’t care how many hours you spend on the floor praying; I don’t care how many people you witnessed to - those things don’t make me love you more than if you’re raising children where I’ve called you. I look at you to do and follow where I put you, which may be witnessing on the streets or doing dishes.

For singles, I often feel like we’re on two ends of the spectrum: wanting to be married with all that we are, or being so content with our singleness that we don’t really think about marriage. Somewhere in there is the middle ground, contentedness in our singleness but also a readiness to change our situation when God starts leading and not hide behind our, “I’m content with Jesus right now” speech.

Where do you fall? I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum and I’m trying to find the middle ground. I feel like I was on the “so ready for marriage” side and that I’ve swung to the opposite side. “So-and-so seems interested? Eh. If he makes it through my moat with alligators, scales my castle wall and navigates my courtyard filled with lava then maybe I’ll talk to him...” (don’t laugh, girls can actually build some pretty high walls, but that is another post for another time).

Marriage is not bad. Singleness is not bad. The only bad thing is if God is trying to lead you a certain direction and you’re not following (which might include a man/woman that you hadn’t thought of before).