An Anonymous Letter...

A week and a half ago, I received an anonymous letter in the mail with instructions that it was not to be opened until October 19th - my brother's wedding day. Needless to say, my curiosity was at it's peak. Who is it from?! I've always loved the idea of anonymous letters, and I couldn't wait to see what was inside!

The morning of the wedding dawned bright and beautiful, and I hastened to open the card. Inside, I discovered something I was not expecting: a love letter.

Literally, my heart skipped a beat.

Have you ever opened a letter, not knowing who it was from, and read, "Dearest ____, I have loved you with an everlasting love"? My heart went a piter-patter, and rightly so.

Because the card was from God.

The entire card was verses expressing God's love, concern, and how He cares for me. It was signed "Abba".

Love letters have always been something that have intrigued me, but I've never thought of receiving an actual love letter from God. I've been told that the Bible is a love letter to believers, but receiving this card with so many verses specifically talking about how God loves me (and it was written in first person!), was more than perfect. It was perfectly sweet, and the timing was impeccable.

On the 19th, my last [single] brother was married, leaving me the only child at home. Growing up doing everything with my brothers (from sports, to music, to laughing our heads off while playing board games), this has been quite a change for me. My place has always been between my brothers, and where they went, I went. But now, its different. A new time has begun.

Growing up without a father, I relied on my brothers for protection and leadership. I cannot now trust them to always be where I am, keeping me safe, and keeping an eye on me. I hadn't realized until lately how much I relied on them, until I realized I wouldn't have them any more.

I cried this past week.

I knew it was going to be different not having them here anymore, but I guess I was trying to convince myself it wasn't going to be that different.

And it's not like they've left the planet or anything; one lives 50 minutes one direction, and one lives 45 minutes the other direction. But, it's not the same.

I'm so, so happy for them with the lives and wives that God has blessed them with, but I was scared. Scared of what life would be like. Scared of the changes. Wondering where God was, in my changing life. I just needed something to remind me that He was still there. That I was still His Princess.

And then the letter.

It's as if God was saying, I'm still here. You're still in My hand. I will never leave you or forsake you. Trust Me.

I cried some more.

It's times like this when I wonder how can people not believe that God is here. You cannot try to convince me that it was perfectly random for one of my friends to anonymously send me a card stating exactly what I needed to hear from God. On the day I needed to hear it. It's not possible.

I didn't tell anyone what I was thinking. No one knew the battle in my spirit as I wrestled with God, wondering how He was going to take care of me, and where was He? No one knew the depth of my my fears of not having my brothers around anymore.

But God did.

It's times like this when I realize just how much God loves me. Not the type where someone tells you "God loves you", but where God picks you up and just holds you in His embrace, while you cry as He quiets your spirit.

The Bible says He's a father to the fatherless, and He is. He is faithful, and kind, and caring, and loving. And He will never leave me or forsake me.

"The Lord your God in your midst... He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” 

Zephaniah 3:17

A poem that was in the card....