But God and the Way He Loves - A Change of Direction!

Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.”

Genesis 22:2

Most of you know that a couple weeks ago my mom and I went up to the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, Missouri, and while I was there God provided a way for me to do Youth With A Missions itimacy2impact Discipleship Training School, which was an answer to my prayer to do missions. [And if you have no idea what I’m talking about, you might want to read the other post here before continuing]

Since getting back, I have been working on identification documents needed for traveling overseas, quitting my job, getting my application paperwork in order (including references), and mentally preparing myself to leave for a minimum of 3 months.

In addition to the above, my family and I have also researched YWAM and their beliefs, and discussed among ourselves what to do when confronted with un-scriptural teachings (that can be found in any organization), and other topics that relate to such things.

I was all set to go, as I was certain these discussions wouldn’t bar me from attending YWAM After all, God had orchestrated it; I was obviously supposed to go!

On Saturday we had one last family member that we needed to meet with that wanted to discuss YWAM and what God had put on her heart regarding it. She was the last person we were waiting on to hear what she had to say before I sent in my application to YWAM. I had also asked God that during this meeting, if He could either give my mom peace about me going, or (shudder the thought), would make it obviously clear through the meeting that I wasn’t supposed to go (which seemed highly unlikely).

We met at the Greenville sports park, and her, mom, and I talked for about 2 ½ hours about YWAM, and also other spiritual truths. Her discussion still did not persuade me not to do it, and about 2/3rds the way through it, I still knew I was going to do YWAM.

And then God showed me something. He showed me Abraham sacrificing Isaac on the alter.

I’m reading through Genesis right now, and as I read through the parts talking about God’s promise to Abraham about Isaac, God had impressed on me how Isaac wasn’t Abraham’s. At all. There wasn’t anything that Abraham did/didn’t do that could have made Isaac be born any sooner. The entire story of Abraham and Isaac is simply about how God gave him something, something that Abraham really wanted, and then asked Abraham to give it back to Him to see if Abraham still trusted God [to use everything for his good].

And God wanted me to do the same thing.

Going to YWAM had nothing to do with me, and there is no way I could have orchestrated it all in the first place, from the spur-of-the-moment invitation to go to Kansas City in the first place, to meeting Jaipaul on the last day we were going to be there, to my dad agreeing to pay for the training school. It was what I desired and what I had been praying about (a way to do missions overseas), and God had granted it.

I’ve been on cloud nine the last two weeks as I’ve been getting everything in order, and then the question.

“Will you give YWAM to Me the same way Abraham gave Isaac up?”

And I had a choice to make.

I could ignore what God had asked me; after all, I was the only one that heard His voice ask that question. Knowing that God will use everything for my good, I could still go to YWAM (like myself and everyone was expecting me to), and I was sure I’d have a fantastic time learning more about Him, as well as networking with other believers from around the globe and by being able to go on a 3 month long mission trip.

Or I could listen to Him, and give it back to Him. Really, I had taken it out of His hands as soon as God provided YWAM by my knowing exactly what I was going to be doing for the next several months. There was suspense of not knowing what was going to happen; if I gave it back to Him, would He give it back to me, the same way God has provided a ram in-place of Isaac? Or would He provide another outlet for missions? Or, would I stay home for another year, two years? So many what ifs and unknowns.

And it all boiled down to one question:

Did I trust Him?

Really trust Him?

There comes a point where you have to go from saying that you trust Him, to acting like you trust Him. And it’s a scary place to be, not having any control of your life.

Do I trust Him?

When I was little and we didn’t have any food or money, I trusted Him. I knew He would always provide what we needed, whether it be from a check in the mail, or an anonymous laundry basket full of food on our doorstep; we always had food to eat, clothes to wear, and a house to live in. I had no doubt in my mind that God would provide what we needed, and He always did.

But do I still trust Him? Now that I’m “older”, do I still believe what He has to say, enough to drop everything and wait?

Looking at the way I have seen God work in my life, I can’t see how I can’t trust Him.

All this flashed through my mind in a matter of moments, as I pondered on the question while sitting with our friend and my mom under the pavilion. The more my mom and our friend visited, the more I was certain that I needed to give up YWAM, as uncomfortable as that would be.

So I did/have.

I am not going to YWAM in February.

And I honestly have no idea what is going to happen next.

My job ends after Valentines Day and I’m in the process of getting my social security so that I can get my Passport.

Was this a test? Or was it simply something to get me jump-started for missions? I don’t know, but God knows, and like our friend said, whatever God does have planned, will be even better than we can imagine.

So, I’m excited! A little unsure, but excited! And I have peace about not doing YWAM; it’s honestly probably the oddest situation God has ever put me in, I think. :-) 

But God and the way He loves!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6