A Thought About Singleness and Adults

“Have you met your Prince Charming yet?”

I hate to admit it, but I find those comments highly amusing.

I have always found it funny as I have listened to single young ladies tell about how everyone is always asking if they have “found the one” and the different ways people find to bring up the subject and “subtly” ask the question. And to be honest, I was looking forward to the time when I would be asked that (on a regular basis), just because it amuses me so much.

Well, it has finally happened.

Over the last year or so, now that people know that both of my brothers are taken/married, and I’m “the last one”, I have had a record breaking amount of people ask me where my “Sweetheart” is (to quote one dear lady).

Generally, I always go with the nod-your-head-and-smile-while-trying-not-to-pop-their-bubble-about relationships-too-much approach. You know, the one where you try to tell them that you don’t want a boyfriend, but at the same time not give the impression that your family is banning all contact with any boys ever. Which generally comes out like, “I’m waiting for God to bring the right guy” or “I’m waiting on God’s timing”. They give a knowing look, say something about him “coming soon” or that “the best are saved for last” and continue about their business.

After my encounter with an older gentleman last week, I started thinking about how other girls react to things like that. And to my recollection, every time I have heard a girl bring this subject up, she always bemoans the fact that everyone expects her to get married soon, and that they often give what they think is “helpful” tips/encouragement to the young lady, except it’s not.

After someone told one young lady that her young man was “on his way” she said, “I Hate it when they say that. I don’t want to be a girl who gets my hopes up about exactly when I’ll be married. I don’t want to be distracted that way; I just want to be content working hard where I am.”

It seems that all the girls don’t like those comments because they are distracting, mainly. I have heard so many girls say how they don’t like them, and why they don’t like them. But then I had another thought; what about the adults on the other side giving the comments? Are they even aware of how discouraging the comments are? How did Christians get such a worldview that propagates girlfriends/boyfriends anyway?

I have noticed that many adults (especially older adults) think that the only way they can have any type of conversation or connection with a young person is by asking about their “significant other”. They have been lied to that that is what young people do. Worse yet, they un-knowingly condone it by their comments asking if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend since that is apparently the “thing to do”, blissfully unaware of the war that is raging.

They have been deceived by the social media, and even other Christians that it is harmless to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. In fact, at one Youth Group I know, it is encouraged. It is viewed as so harmless, that the Youth Pastor’s wife was letting a girl text a guy on her phone because they liked each other and youth leader was trying to encourage the relationship. But that was not the main thing that got me upset. The thing that got me was that the Youth Pastor’s wife allowed them to text each other and encouraged it, knowing that the father of the girl had already told the girl that she did not want them to be bf/gf. They were, in effect, going behind her parent’s back in a secret relationship.

In my “In The Know” abstinence training, it lists the sexual progression. Do you know what the first things are that lead to sex? Things progress very innocently in the beginning of the bf/gf relationship with the initial attraction, which soon progresses to holding hands, hugging to kissing, to leading the couple to a place where they never thought they’d go.  It all starts because they are in a romantic relationship where there is no commitment, because they want love. And don’t get me wrong, romance is wonderful! But it was created to be enjoyed in the marriage covenant. It is not some frivolous thing to be tossed hither and thither to any boy or girl that catches your momentary fancy.

Now a days, people are all for telling kids to be abstinent - ironically, while at the same time condoning having boyfriends or girlfriends. But what about talking to the parents about what they’re encouraging? The grandparents? The teachers? Who is going to tell them? 1 Timothy says to treat, “younger men as brothers…. and younger women as sisters, with all purity.” Being in a romantic relationship without some type of commitment (engagement, etc), is not treating the other person with all purity.

Most adults (and young people, for that matter), really want to know what God says, but someone has to tell them. And since we’re the ones that the comments are made to, we need to respond to them. I would encourage you all, next time someone asks where your “special someone” is, tell them that you are saving yourself for your husband/wife, and how you are trusting God to provide in His perfect timing because He has promised to work all things out for our good (Romans 8:28). And it may be uncomfortable (as I have found it to be sometimes), but as Christ-followers we are called to do hard things, and He does bless us when we follow Him.