The Purity Ring Syndrome

I remember when I first got my purity ring. It wasn’t something someone told me to do - I wanted to do it.  I remember looking online for the perfect one, and then receiving it for my birthday. Ah, I wore it proudly! As did the other girls in our homeschool circles. The silver band sat glistening on my right hand, because the left hand meant you were married, and you couldn’t have people [aka guys] thinking that! Though I knew a couple girls who wore theirs on their left hands (aka the radical ones).  

The ring symbolized a vow to the Lord to keep oneself for one’s spouse. It was something that you’d keep, and then give to your spouse. It was a symbol of purity; a gift.

Years went on.... I still wore my ring (though I had since exchanged it with a delicate silver band that my brother made).

When I went out of the country to India and St. Vincent I moved move my ring to my left hand so that guys would think I was taken. And during the 4 months I was in St. Vincent, God was working on my heart about this...

“Why do you want your ring on your right hand when you get back home?”

“Because that’s what you’re supposed to do….”

“Are you sure that’s why you do it?”

“.... Well…. kinda….”

“Are you sure it's not because you’re fearful? Fearful that it might communicate the wrong thing? That people will get the wrong idea? That I can’t bring someone to you in My perfect timing? That wearing a ring on one hand or the other will change My plan?”

“... I guess I am kinda scared….”

The ring for me was between my future husband and myself. It was a vow made to God for my husband, but it was made for us. Stories were told of how marriages were so much better when the two people waited for each other in a way to encourage purity. But that is entirely the wrong way to approach it - you don’t wear it waiting for the guy. You wear it because God has called us to purity. Blog posts were written by young women who were disillusioned into “waiting” with their rings, and then they slipped their rings off their fingers. Some just because they decided to stop waiting and start living, others went into the complete opposite lifestyle than what the ring symbolized.

At the end of my time in St. Vincent one of my friends posted something about why he wears his ring on his left hand. Through that post, God continued speaking to me more about my ring. I had thought about leaving it on my left hand when I got back home, but I still wasn’t sure about it.

And so God dealt with my fear about “scaring a guy off” if he thought I was taken: “If he thinks you’re married because your ring is on your left hand, then he obviously doesn’t know you, and is basing his reasons on what he can immediately see. You don’t want one like that.”

And then He got very specific….

“Get a ring, with a stone in it, and wear it on your left hand. For one year, set-apart yourself for Me, to know Me and seek Me. I don’t want to share you; don’t even act like you’re available. Picture I’m there right next to you as if you were married. The ring will be a physical symbol of this time. The ring is a covenant with Me that whether you get married or stay single, you are Mine. You are resting in who I’ve made you to be and My love. You don’t stay pure for your husband - you remain pure because I’ve called you to purity and holiness.”  

My ring is now a symbol of my covenant with God first and foremost. My husband will reap the benefits of it, but I am no longer doing it for him. Purity rings aren’t so that you can get married and go, “Look! I remained pure for you!” They’re so that regardless of your relationship status, you can stand before God and say, “I remained pure for You!”

I am no longer waiting for a guy - I already have One.

For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name.

Isaiah 54:5

He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you with His love; 

He will rejoice over you with singing. 

Zephaniah 3:17