Singleness: Part 1
All was going well. I was learning about becoming a woman of God, home-making skills, and how to love and serve God better. And then I read these verses in Isaiah 54 and a new journey began....
"For your Maker is your husband..." It was something I already knew; Christian's are the Bride of Christ. It was something that I had been learning about for quite a while, and as I had always understood it (for my life) it was my training ground (if I can say that) for when I would be married someday.
And then God asked me something that would change my aspect on a lot of different things. "If you were never married, would you still love Me and follow Me?" *gulp!*
Marriage was something I had been hoping for, for as long as I could remember. It was that far away goal that I was aiming for. It was what I had placed on the pedestal of my life. "Someday my Prince will come" would probably have been a good motto for my life. I wanted to be married someday. I yearned to be married someday. The way that God has created me, I couldn't imagine not being married! Yet there was the question. What if I was never to be married? What if that wasn't what God had planned for my life? Would I still trust Him? Would I still serve Him and be engulfed in His and only His never ending love? (Jeremiah 31:3)
I was distraught, to say the least. There wasn't anything I could do but trust Him, since He has everything planned for my good (Romans 8:28 & Proverbs 3:5-6) and I know that whatever God has planned for my life, will ultimately be the absolutely best plan. (Isaiah 55:8-9 & Romans 11:33)
And then the realization hit me. If I'm not going to get married, I have wasted so much of my life! It was true; I had spent so many hours dreaming, planning, hoping, sighing, and thinking about it. And then another realization hit me; I have not been correctly treating my brothers in Christ! It wasn't that I had been flirting with them. It wasn't that I had been showing undue attention to one young man in particular. It was that I had not been thinking about them in my mind in a pure way. Have you guessed what I’m talking about? The answer: crushes. Sounds innocent, right? Wrong.
Crushes, I have come to the conclusion, are dreadful. And I don’t use that word lightly. Emotions run rampant as you think, Oh! He’s so nice! Oh! He’s so funny! He said ‘hello’! etc. This has become a problem because we as Christians are not actively taking every thought captive like it says in 2nd Corinthians 10:5, “...bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.” We are instructed to treat and view guys as brothers; not as some knight in shining armor that *might* one day sweep us off our feet. I’m not trying to say all of this in a holier-than-thou attitude, either. I write this to myself. If anyone is guilty of not of taking their thoughts captive, it would be me. I have a very vivid imagination and I can come up with tons of stories featuring a knight and a princess...
I love the way Jasmine Baucham put it in her book, Joyfully at Home. “A false view of marriage also causes us to view single men like they are items on a grocery shelf. We want to check their ingredients, compare prices, and take stock of their health value the same way we would a can of soup. Again, this causes us to view them, not as brothers in Christ, but as candidates for matrimony.”
Guilty as charged. That quote really hit the nail on the head. As I realized what I had been doing, I was disgusted with myself, to say the least. As I read my past journals - where I would write down everything that popped into my head - it was so saddening. How could I think that, let alone write it somewhere?! I spent so much time on this subject, and it was something that was completely useless and detrimental to my spiritual growth, and my relationships with my peers.
Jennifer Lamp Neef writes in her book, His Chosen bride, A challenging issue for single men and women alike is that of marriage~ who? when? how? As girls, most of us dreamed of the man we would someday marry, even perhaps sitting down to list his finer qualities (knowing, of course, that he would be perfect!). We have worked through various struggles that seem a natural part of growing up. Hope, excitement, dreaming, discouragement. Our thoughts have likely been tied up at times in the process of wondering who this fine knight might be, or setting our affections on one in particular. But have you considered that the same God who put a plan into action to assure your eternal home is also interested in these issues of the heart? You have asked His forgiveness for your sins, trusting Him for ETERNITY~ forever and ever! Yet, have you trusted Him for things in this life, which is but a breath? God desires that His Lordship might reign in romance, just as in every other area. We can peacefully trust that as our Creator, loving Father, God~ He knows best! His plan is always radically different from the world’s. He wants us to be willing to shut out all that “seems right” in our culture and ask what His best would be.”
Josh Harris shares, “Lordship doesn’t merely tinker with my approach to romance--it completely transforms it. God not only wants me to act differently, He wants me to think differently-to view love, purity, and singleness from His perspective....”
As I thought about all of this, I realized that I had planned my entire life (I’m going to get married, have x amount of kids, etc,) without actually asking God if it that was His will was for my life. I had taken for granted that I was going to get married. I mean, isn’t that what everyone wants/does?! You grow up, marry a godly man, raise godly kids, serve God, and then you die. Simple, right? Not quite....
Marriage may not be what He has planned for all of us. One He may call to raise 9 kids, and another He may call to remain single and serve in the jungles of Africa. We have to trust Him with whatever He places in front of us.
I’m not saying that having a desire to be married is bad, either. God created us to “multiply and fill the earth”. But, when we start trying to force God to give us a spouse, and become discontented with our current situation because we’re not married this instant, and we start dreaming about that “someday” where we’ll be swept off of our feet (which is something that I am guilty of. I am quite the romantic at heart....), there is something wrong. God did not give us these desires so that He could torture us. He created them to draw us closer to Him and His love. Then, the result of our love for Him would overflow to our love for others (read: spouse). But we must be resting in His love and trusting Him!
If it is God’s will that I get married; wonderful! The only thing I can think of that I would want more is to be completely consumed by Christ and follow His leading wherever it may go. If God says that I’m not to be married; that’s great too! God has my life planned perfectly to work everything out for my ultimate good, for His Glory, and to conform me into Christ’s image. Which means there is nothing for me to worry about. All I have to do is follow His leading & guidance. I know with confidence that He will take care of me and guide me to whatever He wants me to do, whether it includes marriage or not.
To Be Continued.... You can read Part 2 here.
“Sing, O barren, You who have not borne! Break forth into singing, and cry aloud, You who have not labored with child! For more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married woman,” says the Lord. “Enlarge the place of your tent... Do not spare...And strengthen your stakes....
For your Maker is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name; and your Redeemer... the God of the whole earth..."
"For your Maker is your husband..." It was something I already knew; Christian's are the Bride of Christ. It was something that I had been learning about for quite a while, and as I had always understood it (for my life) it was my training ground (if I can say that) for when I would be married someday.
And then God asked me something that would change my aspect on a lot of different things. "If you were never married, would you still love Me and follow Me?" *gulp!*
Marriage was something I had been hoping for, for as long as I could remember. It was that far away goal that I was aiming for. It was what I had placed on the pedestal of my life. "Someday my Prince will come" would probably have been a good motto for my life. I wanted to be married someday. I yearned to be married someday. The way that God has created me, I couldn't imagine not being married! Yet there was the question. What if I was never to be married? What if that wasn't what God had planned for my life? Would I still trust Him? Would I still serve Him and be engulfed in His and only His never ending love? (Jeremiah 31:3)
I was distraught, to say the least. There wasn't anything I could do but trust Him, since He has everything planned for my good (Romans 8:28 & Proverbs 3:5-6) and I know that whatever God has planned for my life, will ultimately be the absolutely best plan. (Isaiah 55:8-9 & Romans 11:33)
And then the realization hit me. If I'm not going to get married, I have wasted so much of my life! It was true; I had spent so many hours dreaming, planning, hoping, sighing, and thinking about it. And then another realization hit me; I have not been correctly treating my brothers in Christ! It wasn't that I had been flirting with them. It wasn't that I had been showing undue attention to one young man in particular. It was that I had not been thinking about them in my mind in a pure way. Have you guessed what I’m talking about? The answer: crushes. Sounds innocent, right? Wrong.
Crushes, I have come to the conclusion, are dreadful. And I don’t use that word lightly. Emotions run rampant as you think, Oh! He’s so nice! Oh! He’s so funny! He said ‘hello’! etc. This has become a problem because we as Christians are not actively taking every thought captive like it says in 2nd Corinthians 10:5, “...bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.” We are instructed to treat and view guys as brothers; not as some knight in shining armor that *might* one day sweep us off our feet. I’m not trying to say all of this in a holier-than-thou attitude, either. I write this to myself. If anyone is guilty of not of taking their thoughts captive, it would be me. I have a very vivid imagination and I can come up with tons of stories featuring a knight and a princess...
I love the way Jasmine Baucham put it in her book, Joyfully at Home. “A false view of marriage also causes us to view single men like they are items on a grocery shelf. We want to check their ingredients, compare prices, and take stock of their health value the same way we would a can of soup. Again, this causes us to view them, not as brothers in Christ, but as candidates for matrimony.”
Guilty as charged. That quote really hit the nail on the head. As I realized what I had been doing, I was disgusted with myself, to say the least. As I read my past journals - where I would write down everything that popped into my head - it was so saddening. How could I think that, let alone write it somewhere?! I spent so much time on this subject, and it was something that was completely useless and detrimental to my spiritual growth, and my relationships with my peers.
Jennifer Lamp Neef writes in her book, His Chosen bride, A challenging issue for single men and women alike is that of marriage~ who? when? how? As girls, most of us dreamed of the man we would someday marry, even perhaps sitting down to list his finer qualities (knowing, of course, that he would be perfect!). We have worked through various struggles that seem a natural part of growing up. Hope, excitement, dreaming, discouragement. Our thoughts have likely been tied up at times in the process of wondering who this fine knight might be, or setting our affections on one in particular. But have you considered that the same God who put a plan into action to assure your eternal home is also interested in these issues of the heart? You have asked His forgiveness for your sins, trusting Him for ETERNITY~ forever and ever! Yet, have you trusted Him for things in this life, which is but a breath? God desires that His Lordship might reign in romance, just as in every other area. We can peacefully trust that as our Creator, loving Father, God~ He knows best! His plan is always radically different from the world’s. He wants us to be willing to shut out all that “seems right” in our culture and ask what His best would be.”
Josh Harris shares, “Lordship doesn’t merely tinker with my approach to romance--it completely transforms it. God not only wants me to act differently, He wants me to think differently-to view love, purity, and singleness from His perspective....”
As I thought about all of this, I realized that I had planned my entire life (I’m going to get married, have x amount of kids, etc,) without actually asking God if it that was His will was for my life. I had taken for granted that I was going to get married. I mean, isn’t that what everyone wants/does?! You grow up, marry a godly man, raise godly kids, serve God, and then you die. Simple, right? Not quite....
Marriage may not be what He has planned for all of us. One He may call to raise 9 kids, and another He may call to remain single and serve in the jungles of Africa. We have to trust Him with whatever He places in front of us.
I’m not saying that having a desire to be married is bad, either. God created us to “multiply and fill the earth”. But, when we start trying to force God to give us a spouse, and become discontented with our current situation because we’re not married this instant, and we start dreaming about that “someday” where we’ll be swept off of our feet (which is something that I am guilty of. I am quite the romantic at heart....), there is something wrong. God did not give us these desires so that He could torture us. He created them to draw us closer to Him and His love. Then, the result of our love for Him would overflow to our love for others (read: spouse). But we must be resting in His love and trusting Him!
If it is God’s will that I get married; wonderful! The only thing I can think of that I would want more is to be completely consumed by Christ and follow His leading wherever it may go. If God says that I’m not to be married; that’s great too! God has my life planned perfectly to work everything out for my ultimate good, for His Glory, and to conform me into Christ’s image. Which means there is nothing for me to worry about. All I have to do is follow His leading & guidance. I know with confidence that He will take care of me and guide me to whatever He wants me to do, whether it includes marriage or not.
To Be Continued.... You can read Part 2 here.
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