Sensitivity

Sensitivity can be a plague sometimes.

Women are naturally sensitive and I have apparently been given and extra measure of it. Some ways it’s handy and other times it’s horrid. I am able to connect with people easily because I pick-up on their emotions, and I’m able to get them to talk because of it. But, I also pick-up on their anger and displeasure, and I guess I like to please people too much. One harsh(ish) word and I can burst into tears. “How could they say that?” It can be quite a challenge sometimes. I tend to play things over-and-over again in my head. “What did I do wrong? What could I have done better to not make them angry/displeased?” Yet, that thinking is very selfish.

“Why did they do that to me? Do they enjoy making me feel miserable? They don’t understand me. I’m uncomfortable with what they said. It hurt my feelings.” Which only comes back to pride and the breaking of the 2nd commandment from an inordinate view of self.

Since when did I become so important, anyway? The world doesn’t revolve around me, after all.

Romans 8:28 says that all things work together for good to those who love God, but I’ve been having a very hard time figuring out how being extra-sensitive could be good. Getting teary-eyed whenever someone gets mad at me really isn’t something that I think of as being beneficial... though I suppose it’s better than getting angry at them.

And most of the time, its about silly stuff. My mom will say/tell me something and inadvertently my eyes will well-up. I don’t even want to start crying (most of the time it’s nothing serious); but I do.

Yet, maybe I’ve been going about this the wrong way. I’ve been wanting God to get rid of it completely, but He gave it to me for a reason. Everything He does has a plan; we just don’t always know what it is.

Maybe having it is to teach me patience and trust in the Lord. I want it to be gone now, but He says, “Wait”.

It’s bothersome at times, annoying at others; it makes me cry, and ask “why?” But, there is a reason for it. If we never had problems, we’d never have a reason to rely on God, since we would be self-sufficient.

Maybe in several years I’ll be able to look back and see, “Oh! That’s what God was teaching me!” But, until then, I’ll just keep praying about it, trusting that He has a reason for it. {smile}