Count The Cost - Is It Worth It?

Now great multitudes went with Him. And He turned and said to them,  “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. and whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it— lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish’? Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is still a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace. So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple.

Luke 14:25-33

I started counting the cost this week of being gone for 7-8 months.

Numerous Birthdays (including all of my family, friends and yours truly). Fellowship days. Family vacation to the beach. Thanksgiving. Christmas. New Years. Resurrection Day. Both of my sister-in-laws births.

I think of myself as a fairly independent person. I enjoy going to new places and doing new things with new people. You're talking to the girl who flew to California by herself when she was 11 for two weeks and probably could have stayed there for a couple more weeks before missing home.

My preferred timing for missions was to be gone for 1 year, but I don't think I really thought through all that would entail. This week I've been counting the cost and it is painful.

Almost everyday this week I've learned of something new that I will be missing while I'm at YWAM and India. When asked what I'm thinking about the trip or how I'm feeling about being gone for so long, I have to tell them that I can't start thinking about it or else I'd probably start crying. Seriously. I'll deal with it when I'm there, but until then I can't even think about it.

Two of my friends are in India right now and they've been there for about 4 months and won't be back until November, and one of  my co-brother-in-laws moved a couple months ago and I'm starting to realize what they went through and are going through. I wish I could go to them and just give them a big hug. I know how you feel!

I'm leaving next week. 6 days. One side of my head is ecstatic about the opportunity, "I get to go out and serve! This is going to be so exciting and such a wonderful opportunity! This is what I've been wanting to do!". The other side is kicking and screaming, "I don't want to go! I'm going to miss something!". Talk about polar opposites.

In my head I know this is just discouragement from the devil. I know that the Lord is going to do mighty things while I'm gone in ways I never could imagine. But that's the unknown.

The known is baking pumpkin pie for our family Thanksgiving, and Christmas caroling with friends. The known is Wednesday night kid's Bible study and fellowship days. The known is my little brother grinning because we're scheming something and talking a million miles a second. The known is holding a newborn niece/nephew.

It's safe, and normal, and comfortable. I know what to expect and when to expect it. Clockwork.

YWAM and India are unknowns, and in the back of my head I hear whisperings, "Is it worth it? Is it worth it to give up all of that wonderful stuff, and to go into the unknown? You have no idea what is going to happen!"

No, I don't know what will happen. But, is my being comfortable more important than the thousands of lives that are dying every day?

I was talking to God last night on the way home from visiting with some friends I haven't seen in almost a year, and probably won't see until summer next year. I was starting to feel overwhelmed. I was looking at the situation and going, "God, that's a lot of stuff. Can you just reassure me with something? Like when you had my friend send me that love-letter from You on David and Brittany's wedding... I need to hear Your voice. I know it's going to be wonderful at YWAM and India and You are going to work, but I need to hear from You."

I didn't actually think He'd respond. Or at least not so quickly.

I got home and checked the email and there it was. It was an anonymous email from someone at YWAM, and this is what it said:

Psalm 42:1-2 “As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You, O God! My soul thirsts for God, for the living God..”

Zephaniah 3:14, 17 "Shout for joy, O daughter of Zion! Shout in triumph, O Israel! Rejoice and exult with all your heart O daughter of Jerusalem! The Lord your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy!”

Sara, you are a light and a joy to God, your father! He so delights in you!! He is going to give you greater thirst for more of Him in this season, and reveal Himself to you in ways you’ve never experienced. Come with longing in your heart to meet with Him, and you will not be disappointed because He draws near to those who draw near to Him!

Amazingly, the note was only sent to me, from someone I have never met. The verse from Zephaniah was one of the verses used in the love-letter I received in October - the one that I asked God to do something like.

I asked God to reassure me, and He did. Even though I don't have a father that I can physically go to and say , "This is painful. Tell me it's going to be okay!", my Heavenly Father still hears me, and still responds in a physical way. I mean, really, email?!

I know the situation leading up to YWAM; I've written several posts about it! I've seen God's hand in the entire trip and all the planning. I know that God had it planned for me to leave and be gone for the time allotted. But that didn't stop me from wavering and going, "God, did you really mean for me to do this?"

It is so dangerous when we start getting our eyes off of Jesus and onto our situations. We get out of the boat and start walking on water and then realize, "Wait, those waves are really big... what if they hit me?!" Forgetting the fact that you're walking on water. Who cares if a wave hits you?! You're walking on water! We need to always remember to keep our focus on Him - not our situation and not things going on in our family. Him and Him alone.

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the  throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2