How to Be a Godly Lady

   "How to be a godly lady" - sounds like the name of a book, huh? Yet it is something I have been wondering about for quite a while. For the most part, I viewed ladies as elegant women at least in their late 20's (or 30's) that were very refined, and to a point didn't do a lot of outside activities (besides tea and crumpet's, of course). And to tell the truth, drinking tea and eating crumpet's all day did not sound very interesting, at least for me. And to become a true woman of God also left me quite in a pickle, because it seemed like you had to do so much! But, let me back up a bit.

        I have two older brothers, one is 7 1/2 years my senior and the other is 5 years my senior and no sisters. So, naturally, I grew up doing most of everything with them. Whatever they did, I did too. To a point I wanted to be exactly like them, between eating whatever they ate to playing whatever video game was popular to tagging along with them in whatever outside activity they did. If my brothers did something, I was going to be right there with them and nothing was going to stop me from learning how to do it. The only problem is, I'm a girl. And when you're little, its not too bad tagging along with your older sibling(s). As you get older it just doesn't work for a 16 year old girl to be doing everything that her 24 and 21 year old brothers are doing. I didn't like that too much. I was (and didn't realize it,) too independent and I was not ready to sit and talk all day (which was my messed up view on how ladies acted). I knew how to act like a lady, and I could do it, if needed, but it wasn't my normal character. I would much rather have been outside playing soccer or something else than staying inside and cleaning. Then it hit me. I was using the excuse that I wanted to be like my brothers because the real issue wasn't that, it was that I wasn't humble and submissive; I was head-strong, prideful, and rebellious against what God said I was supposed to be like. I had fallen prey to the lie that is being propagated to my generation, that a woman's strength is based on how well she can compete with a man, which is opposite of what the Bible says. 1 Peter 3:3-4 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. (There are a lot of other verses that talk about a Christian's character also, but I'm just going to stick with these two passages.)1Corinthians 13 very accurately lists what "love" is, and I found the definition of some of the other words very interesting. "Gentleness" means kindly; amiable: a gentle manner. Not severe, rough, or violent; mild: a gentle wind. "Quiet" means: making no noise or sound, especially no disturbing sound. Free from disturbance or tumult; tranquil; peaceful: a quiet life. "Meekness" means: humbly patient or docile, as under provocation from others. "Long-suffering" means: enduring injury, trouble, or provocation long and patiently. And "Temperance" means: moderation or self-restraint in action, statement, etc.; self-control.

        Now, I was looking at those passages and words and thinking to myself, "That is not how I act". So I flipped over to Proverbs 31 which is talking about the virtuous wife. I had been reading the book "His Chosen Bride" by Jennifer Lamp Neef (it is a book I would highly recommend to any young ladies!) and what she did was go through Proverbs 31 and show how as a single young lady you can start preparing those skills that the virtuous wife had long before you are married and showing how you can use them while you are single. Now, you may have already thought of that, but I hadn't. I don't know, maybe I thought you got married and you suddenly knew how to do all of that, or you didn't start to learn any of it until you were married and you just got better at it as you got older and matured more. It never really occurred to me that she (the virtuous wife) had been cultivating these skills since she was very young... and that I was far behind if that was what I wanted to be like! It's not just about learning the skills and characteristics just to be prepared for marriage, but acquiring them so that you can more readily serve God and others.

       So, now I had the dilemma of becoming gentle, kind, quiet, meek, long-suffering, and temperate... and I had a long way to go.

        Now, around this time about a year ago, we started going to a new church and meeting more Christians that were actively following Christ's commands; and it was so refreshing! We hadn't had a lot of fellowship with true believers for many years and it was a great encouragement to us to know there are more believers out-there. Now, you are probably wondering why I'm telling you this. Well, it does have a point; and its a good point, you will just have to wait and see.

    All the other churches that we went to, were lacking in one very, very important role: the men were not the leaders of the church; nor their own families. In my own family, my mother is single, so I was raised without a father-head. My brothers have done a wonderful job of fulfilling that role, but it still isn't the same as having a father. And when you are raised in that type of culture (I guess you could call it that), it does have an affect on you, no matter how much you are in the Word. So, coming to this new church, the fact that only the men led the service and were actively a part of all of the other family events, was wonderful.

    And you have to remember, that I had just been figuring out that I am supposed to always act gentle, kind, quiet, etc., but I'm still not quite sure how to. That is where this new church comes in. Every Sunday, I was surrounded by young ladies my age (some younger, some older) who did have the Fruit of the Spirit and were actively using their abilities to help others on a regular basis. And between watching them help in the kitchen, clean-up after church, or play with the little ones, it is very easy to become quite impressed with how cheerfully they do all things. Through watching them, I was able to better learn what is required of me and how much I could be doing opposed to how much I was doing.

    Now, there is one thing that I still had messed up; which was my idea that a lady only knows how to drink tea and eat crumpets for an outside activity. And as long as you weren't drinking tea and eating crumpets while talking about such-and-such, you obviously were too young to be a lady. Yet, the girls that I was watched play with the little ones, etc., were also the ones that would be out on the volleyball court after church! You see, I was looking at a lady by what she does, not how she acts while she's doing something. The definition of a "Lady" is: a woman who is refined, polite, and well-spoken. It doesn't say anything about not doing stuff, just whatever she does, she does it like a lady. That means in conversation, in posture, in activities, etc., she has a refined manner about her... and she doesn't go charging through the house like a buffalo (which I have been known to do *ahem*).

    So, that has been my journey over the last year. And what a ride! I’m always so tickled when God shows me these things. He orchestrates our lives so beautifully to work out the best for us!

    Romans 8:28
    And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.